Rivalry Jokes 10
RIVALRY JOKES (10)
These are sports related jokes I have been
Advertisement
collecting from sites around college football. If you have one you would like included, email me at
| 1
|
These three executives would
eat lunch on the top of the tallest building in Pittsburgh along with
some of the other employees. One day the West Virginia grad said,
"if my lunch is bologna, I'm going to jump off this roof."
Sure enough, it was and he jumped. The Boston College grad said,
"If I've got peanut butter, I'm jumping too." It was and he
did. The psu grad said, "If I've got ham sandwiches, I'm jumping
too." It was and he dove off to his death too. They had all three
funerals together and let the wives speak. The West Virginia grad said
if she knew her husband hated bologna, she wouldn't have packed it in
his lunch. The Boston College grad's wife said she wouldn't have packed
peanut butter if she'd known. The psu grad's wife said, "Well, I
don't know what to say. He packed his own lunch."
A Miami player wanted some
money so he asked his coach. The coach sent him to a big booster. The
booster said that he needed his porch painted and that there was a can
of paint in the garage. About an hour later the Miami came back
and said he was through but it wasn't a porch he had painted; it was a
Jaguar....
These two WVU students are at
a game and at half time a dog runs onto the field, sits down, and
proceeds to lick himself (as all dogs like to do). Said one 'eer to the
other, "Man don't you wish you could do that?" Replied the
other confidently "man don't you know that dog would bite
you?"
An hokie was sent to
the store to buy toilet paper. He bought scented paper, but what he
couldn't figure out was WHEN he was supposed to smell it.
Two hokies are out
hunting. Suddenly a bird flies over and drops a little
"deposit" right on the head of the first hokie. The second
hokie says "Hey, you want me to run back to the mobile home and get
you some tissue?" to which the first hokie replies, "Are you
crazy? That bird will be miles away by the time you get back!"
Two 'eers went huntin' near
the Pennsylvania line. Directly a vivacious, young, buxom thang emerged
from the bushes. 'Are you game?', one 'eer asked. 'Yes,' she
replied seductively. So he shot her.
Once upon a time psu fans
Bear and Shug were on a road trip and Shug felt the call of nature. Bear
pulled off the road and Shug ran into the brush. In a moment, Bear hears
a voice saying, "Bear, there is nothing back here to wipe
with." Bear replied, "Hell Shug, use some leaves or
something." Shug says, "There's nothing in reach." So
Bear says "Have you got a dollar?" "I think so,"
says Shug. In a few minutes, Shug shows up at the car door with his
hands covered with with you know what. Bear says, "What happened? I
thought you were going to use a dollar." Shug replied, "I did,
but have you ever tried to wipe your butt with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a
nickel?"
An 'eer takes a girl out on a
date. After dinner and a movie, the 'eer drives up to Lover's Lane and
asks the girl if he could get a little kiss. "Sure!" says the
girl. So, **smack**, the 'eer kissed the girl. "Mmmm, that was
good," said the girl. Then she added, "Would you like to go a
little further?" At that point the 'eer cranked the truck and drove
on down the road.
A local contractor had a job
to set telephone poles during the summer . The contractor wanted to be
fair so he hired two crews. One composed of Pittsburgh students and the
other composed of Penn State Students. Each had twenty five poles and a
truck, so on the first day he said, "This will determine which
school has the brightest and hardest working students. The first truck
back with the poles set wins.
Well around 4:00 pm the Pitt Truck comes Rolling In. The boys got
out, hot and dirty and started celebrating the victory!
The contractor and the Pitt Boys waited for the PSU truck and around
9:00 pm the PSU boys finally came spinning into the shop looking like
they had just been to Hell and back. The foreman came running up in his
white shirt and tie with his headphones on literally screaming at the
contractor. "Boss those Pitt Boys have cheated !! We drove by the
poles they done set and every dang one of them are sticking up out of
the ground!
This hokie took his
girl out for breakfast at the local eatery. He overheard the man at a
nearby table say, "Please pass the sugar, Sugar." Then, he
overheard a man at another table say, "Please pass the honey,
Honey." To which the hokie, wanting to impress his girl, said,
"Please pass the bacon, Pig!"
This hoopie guy is sitting in
a bar late at night having a few bears, and after every beer, the
bartender notices he looks in his pocket, grimaces and orders another.
Finally, his curiousity got the better of him, and the barkeep asks the
hoopie what he's doing. "Well sah," the hoopie replied,
"In my pocket I have a picture of my wife, and when she starts to
look good, I know it's time to go home."
A ventriloquist who retired
from show business decided to try rural life and was inspecting a farm
that an 'eer had for sale. As the 'eer was taking him around, the
ventriloquist -- who loved practical jokes -- couldn't resist playing
one on the 'eer...because he seemed so gullible. As they walked through
the barnyard, a cow standing nearby suddenly spoke -- or at least
appeared so to the 'eer. "Your hands were awfully cold this morning
when you milked me," the cow said. The 'eer gave the cow a startled
look. Then a passing chicken complained, "I wish you'd collect the
eggs sooner." The 'eer looked strickened, and the ventriloquist
didn't give a hint of what was going on. Walking passed the horse, they
heard, "I'd appreciate a few more oats when you feed me." The
'eer began to sweat. As they approached some sheep, the 'eer said,
"Don't believe anything these sheep say. They're terrible
liars!"
A Pittsburgh fan and an psu
fan were both in a restroom doing their business. As they exited the
stall the psu fan began washing his hands and the Pittsburgh fan walked
to the exit. The psu fan said, "You know, at psu they teach us to
wash our hands!" The Pitt fan replied, "Yeah, well at
Pittsburgh they teach us to use toilet paper."
There were two domers
playing golf. They both had great drives off the tee box. When they they
got to their balls, one was a few yards further than the other. An
argument broke out about whose was which. Finally they agreed to let
someone else decide. They called a Pitt fan over, and said what ever you
decide, we will be happy with. The Pitt guy looked at both balls and
replied, "Who hit the yellow ball?"
Two inebriated Pirates
are walkin' along a railroad track. One Pirate says, "Darn!
These stairs are killin' me!" The other says, "It's ain't the
stairs I can't stand, it's those low handrails!!"
There was this guy from
Morgantown named Jethro walking down the road one day till he noticed
his friend across the road carrying a bag.
Jethro: "Hey Billy Joe! What you got in that bag?"
Billy Joe: "In this bag here, I got me chickens."
Jethro: "Chickens! I sure would like chickens. I bet you if
I guess how many chickens you got in that thar bag you give me
one..."
Billy Joe: "Sheeeeiiit Jethro! If you guess how many
chickens I got in this bag I'll give you *BOTH* of them"
Jethro: "uhhh...5?"
Billy Joe: "Nope!"
It has been so dry
this year that the ducks wouldn't land anywhere in Miami. There was no
water on which they could land. They just kept flying farther south and
most of the Miami duck hunters became very frustrated. A local farmer
put out a blue tarp on his pasture and hoped ducks would mistake it for
water. That weekend he got up early and waited for the ducks to come in.
The first day he shot his limit. In fact, he shot his limit both days
that weekend. When the next weekend rolled around, he got up early to go
sit by the blue tarp. But he couldn't get close enough to it. . . too
many fishermen.
A recent survey on college
campuses asked students "Which sign were you born
under?" * 65% of the students at UC-Berkley said
"Defining oneself based upon astrological signs is no longer
vogue. * 67% of the students at City Collge of New York said
"Astrological signs are ancient meta-physical characteristics
attributed to what was once believed to be relevant associations to
one's personality." * 87% of the students at WVU said
"For Rent."
An 'eer grad was walking down
the street, when his old college buddy pulled up in a brand new
Porsche. "Where the hell did you get Porsche?", the grad
asked in disbelief. "Well," his buddy replied, "Last
night I was at a bar and started dancing with this girl. When the bar
closed, she motions for me to follow her. We jump in her Porsche, and
drive off into the mountains. She stops, jumps out of the car, takes off
all her clothes, and tells me, 'You can have anything you want.'
"That was pretty smart", said the other 'eer grad,
"Seeing as how her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you
anyway."
